


Finding the Light

by MTrevelyan, TheBaronTrost



Series: The Adventures of Nathan Croft [1]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Major Character Injury, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-03-07 12:34:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13434831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MTrevelyan/pseuds/MTrevelyan, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBaronTrost/pseuds/TheBaronTrost
Summary: Nathan Croft had a bad habit of picking at his clothes when he got nervous. He also had a bad habit of falling for people he's not supposed to. When he and Danse walk out of the Brotherhood together, things take a turn from bad to worse just as they think they have it all figured out.





	1. Shot in the Chest

He was picking at his jacket again, and it was gonna make another damn hole in the sleeve. It was his nervous reaction, his tick, his irritating habit that he couldn’t break. Who could really blame him for that? He’d woken up into a nightmare. After being discharged from the military, he had a somewhat normal life, he’d had the nuclear family he’d always been told to want. He married and settled down with his best friend, started a family, and even ended up buying a house in the blissful suburbia that most of the city workers couldn’t even dream of. Now… he had nothing. His wife, murdered before his very eyes by a mercenary with a sick obsession with torture. The son he was supposed to raise was now a crazy, genocidal maniac, living a relative bliss underground with a small army of crazy scientists. His house was a dusty husk, despite Codsworth’s best efforts of course. His neighbours, his friends, his family, everyone, were all dead. Wiped away in an instant in nuclear fire and technical sabotage. The smell of shit, and the haze of filth hung to everything outside in this wasteland, and that wasn’t even the worst part of it. Deciding to scour as much as this new ‘Commonwealth’ as he cared to, the realisation sunk in that this world wasn’t just _his_ hell, but the hell of _anyone_ with free will too. His home side’s stadium was now a smoking, rotting slum, with it being just about the only remnant of any civilisation left from after the nukes fell. Demon-like men and women fought amongst each other like rats fighting over scraps, calling themselves ‘Raiders’. They killed, raped, and tortured anyone who they could get their hands on. These gangsters were so far beyond humanity that it only took him a short while to get used to killing them. Large, brutish green men, super-mutants, haunted the ruins of Boston and tore anyone limb from limb if they came too close. This world was near-impossible to swallow. He knew that he had his military training to thank for his survival. If he hadn’t of known war before, he would likely be some disgusting animal’s lunch by now. He’d found new purpose in a new military, the Brotherhood. He’d been taken under the wing of a ‘Paladin’, Danse. He was now the only reason that he remained anywhere near the Brotherhood, since even that looked like just one added hex of this elaborate curse. The leader of this ‘Brotherhood’, Arthur Maxon, was just as maniacal as his son in the Institute. It seemed almost as if there was an epidemic of insanity in this wasteland. 

He managed to take solace in the few friends that he’d met on the way. He somehow found himself being some kind of protector of the people, helping revive an organisation that was dedicated to the people of the Commonwealth. The Minutemen had become his muse, his distraction. He needed one after all. He had his dog, and he had Piper, MacCready, Preston, Valentine, Cait, Curie, Codsworth, Hancock, Sturges, and Deacon. They weren’t much, they were actually incredibly dysfunctional, but they were the friends that he had come to rely on. Then there was the Paladin, but he was different. Danse seemed to keep him slightly at arms length, and except for brief exchanges that told him that Danse considered him friend, he was usually too awkward to really be able to say what he felt. The Paladin was his mentor in the wasteland, he looked up to him. He would always help with anything he asked too, even Minutemen business… He just found it difficult to stop thinking about the man as something more than that. He’d even told the Paladin that he cared about him, that he wouldn’t let them get to the same place as Danse and his old friend from the Capital. His thoughts of Danse snapped his attention back to the Paladin who was sat across from him in the shack that they’d managed to use as shelter. Danse was frowning at the floor, clearly concentrating on something. Neither of the men were in their power armour, allowing Nathan’s eyes to linger over the toned lines of Danse's figure. It took him back to the war in Alaska. When Danse cleared his throat, he could tell that the conversation was going to be deep. Nathan needed to make sure he kept his cool.

 He was surprised when Danse told him about feeling guilty about an order he gave Haylen. Nathan didn’t really see the Paladin as someone who would ever go through something like that. He began picking at his jacket again, when he realised that the conversation had absolutely nothing to do with Haylen. When Danse got personal with Nathan, it was like his brain shut off and he didn’t really know what to say. When “Does this mean you’d be there to hold me if I ever needed it?” fell out of his mouth, he swore at himself, but just about managed to hold the air of confidence that his words attempted to carry. The Paladin’s spluttering however, led to an extended awkward silence that ended with Danse leaving to check the traps that they’d put out. If Nathan carried on like this, he’d end up with no jacket left to pick at. He needed to get over this stupid crush that he had on his Commanding Officer, before he was discharged for the second time.

***

Danse was furious at himself for his sputtering, even after the nights sleep that he’d had in between the conversation. In his mind, he should never be so nervous around the people in his command. Knight Nathan Croft was a different matter entirely. Fraternisation amongst Brotherhood officers wasn’t prohibited… hell, he’d even seen his own mentor, Paladin Krieg, become close with several senior Scribes. The difference with this was that of course, they were all female. Besides, fraternisation was one thing, but that isn't what he saw in Nathan. It was more complicated than that, and any kind of contact between them was more than just the flings that the rest of the members of the Brotherhood seemed to be engage with. He wasn’t about to jeopardise the only friend he thought he had over a silly infatuation. Danse had noticed how on edge Knight Croft became when he’d talk to him in that way, his destruction of his jacket sleeves would just get more intense, and he’d avoid eye contact with him. That wasn’t the way that Danse wanted it to be between them, so he wouldn’t push it. The way Nathan talked to Danse made him feel different. The Vault Dweller that ran into the firefight between Gladius and the ghouls had become a soldier by Danse’s side, and that made him feel important, almost invincible. For now, Danse would just focus on his mission, they were about to head deep into the most treacherous environment in the Commonwealth, and they needed up collect anti-radiation supplies from hospitals, new power armour and salvage from military sites, and food from the various Minutemen settlements scattered across the wastes.

The Paladin let his mind wander back to the Capital Wasteland, which was now possibly one of the safest places in what used to be the United States. The Citadel was now one of the proudest buildings, no longer littered with wall collapses and blind spots. The city itself was almost totally free of super mutants by this point, and all good fortifications and agricultural sites had been bolstered. Danse could only dream of a day that the Commonwealth looked like something similar. The East Coast chapter of the Brotherhood had spread further than the Capital Wasteland. Now they had a base of operations at Adams Air Force Base, a detachment running the show where the Wanderer had cleared out Pittsburgh before she disappeared. The Brotherhood was beginning to look unstoppable, and with Nathan’s help, Danse was beginning to feel strong too. He’d been daydreaming so long, he didn’t even notice that they’d reached their next destination; Sanctuary.

He’d never personally been to Sanctuary before, he knew that his Knight also spent time working with the Minutemen of the Commonwealth, trying to protect civilians in an uncivilised place. It was just another thing that Danse could point to, that would show the level of potential in him. He could see the inhabitants of the settlement look up as Nathan walked through, he could see the smiles on the faces of the people there. He was concentrating so hard on taking everything in that he nearly walked straight into Nate’s back when he suddenly stopped. Nathan leant into Danse and whispered in his ear, “Danse, all of these people are my friends. But some of them don’t look too highly on the Brotherhood… Just to warn you.” The Paladin did nothing except nod in acknowledgement. No matter what these people thought of the Brotherhood, if Nathan trusted them, so did Danse. He watched intently as Nathan went around the settlement greeting all of his friends, and couldn’t help but laugh at the animated affection that Nathan showed his dog, rolling around on the floor, play wrestling with the beautiful pooch. They both climbed out of their power armour, allowing Nathan to add some radiation resistant lining to both sets. Danse had to stop himself from staring when he was sure that one of Nate’s friends, Deacon, smirked at him from across the street. Instead, Danse busied himself with familiarising himself with the surroundings, he wandered around the perimeter, taking nothing but a 10mm Pistol with him. He knew it was silly for him to doubt the Minutemen security at this site, considering it presently contained all of its officers, but he learned to never be too careful in the Commonwealth. He eventually found himself looking at a dirt path at the back of the settlement, clearly it wasn’t recently made but he knew it wasn’t maintained by chance. He wandered up the path, only to find himself staring at the entrance to a vault. Vault 111. He whirled around when he heard footsteps behind him, coming face to face with a sullen looking Nathan and his dog.

With a sigh, Nathan let everything out. “In that Vault, I was frozen for over 200 years. I watched my son torn from my wife’s arms. I watched my wife die.” Dogmeat whimpered, Danse guessed that he could sense the pain in his companion’s voice. “I wasn’t in love with my wife. I’ve never… We were best friends. When I bombed out of the army we got married because it just seemed right. I had a decent pension and she was about the only person who could put up with my dramatics. Now every time I come up here, I have to look at her grave.”

Danse shifted uncomfortably, working away a knot that had appeared in his stomach. He moved forward and placed a hand on Nathan’s shoulder, before trying to reassure him, “I am sorry. I can’t imagine how you must feel.”

“You know how I feel Danse… She’s my Cutler. It’s how I knew what to say.” Nathan was scratching at Dogmeat’s ears. “Come on Danse, we should eat and get ready for our big journey tomorrow.” Paladin Danse didn’t move until he could no longer see Nathan over the ridge. His boots remained stuck to the ground. He turned back to the Vault’s entrance, and purposefully spoke a promise to the wind, to Nate’s wife. **_I won’t let anything happen to him._**

***  
****

Nathan wasn’t sure what was bothering him. Danse had gone back to his robotic self, and he’d finished the modifications to their suits of armour, ready for the Glowing Sea. Deacon had been teasing Nathan all afternoon, calling him ‘Tin Can’s Crush’ among other irritating jibes. Nathan liked Deacon, and he was invaluable to the Railroad who were also all his friends, but his mind was already clouded and confused about Danse. He didn’t need him or Sturges teasing him to make things worse. Piper had understood, she merely gave Nathan a hug before animatedly talking about her latest story, while Nick sat next to her chuckling along. Piper's ramblings about her upcoming piece on the Atom Cats was actually pretty good at keeping Nathan’s mind on his mission. He remembered where he had to go next, and he remembered that he should be leaving before nightfall. The conversation continued for hours, Piper eventually beginning to prod Danse for answers about the Brotherhood, she even promised to publish a positive interview if he did an exclusive with her. Of course, he refused, telling her that he’d need permission from Maxon first. In the end, Piper got bored, and just Nathan and Danse were hanging around the place when the sun set. His face lit up when he saw Danse sitting with Dogmeat, with his strong hands massaging his faithful companion’s head, it was incredibly domestic but Nathan allowed himself small indulgences like this. His beaming smile quickly turned into a frown when Dogmeat tried to insist on following Danse and him out of Sanctuary, Nathan was way too protective of his pup to even think about allowing him near the dangerous radiation levels in the green sea of crap that they were about to trudge through.

They signalled a Vertibird to pick them up from the Red Rocket station, Nathan noting Danse’s shoulders were more tense than usual. It seemed silly but ever since he saw the Paladin at the vault, he seemed more rigid than usual. The flight was short, as always, but the radiation storm that was brewing in the direction of their expedition looked nasty. The Rad-X and the new plating on the inside of their suits of armour would hopefully take the edge off, but there was still a long trudge to make. Haylen waved the Vertibird down as they arrived, and once she had briefed the pair on the mission, she took Paladin Danse aside for two minutes before they set off on their way. Getting to the site of the nukes was by no means easy. They fought through dozens of Radscorpions, at least two Deathclaws, and several sticky situations where the radiation started to affect the armour’s performance. It took them several hours to comb through the Glowing Sea before reaching their destination. On the inside, the nest of ghouls leapt at them from all directions, the dim light from the T-60 headlamps and the flashes from the lazer fire being the only thing to light the way through the silo. Danse commented about how this area must have been a major site for the United States Air Force, and Nathan couldn’t help but agree. He was a junior officer before the war, but even with rank he was unlikely to have been given access to a site like this… which was probably for the best, considering that now, every person who worked here was a feral zombie, devoid of free thought, stripped of their humanity. These ghouls were so rotten that every time Nathan smacked them back with his rifle, he could feel their forms squash, and bend with his punches. The most entertaining part of it all was hearing Danse laughing every time his rifle burned a hole directly through a ghoul’s chest. Nathan was glad that his Paladin was more tolerant of the Ghouls that could actually think for themselves, but he definitely took enjoyment out of seeing Danse burn through the ones that just wanted to rip them apart. Eventually, they fought their way to a large set of doors, guarded by a Child of Atom hack intent on causing problems. Nathan knew he would end up getting violent, so hacked his terminal to take control of his Assaultron and Turret, he didn’t put up much resistance after that.

Danse turned to him as Nathan placed the transmitter. “Now that this site’s been secured, you should return to the airport immediately. I’ll remain on watch until the Vertibirds arrive. I’ll meet you back on the Prydwen once these bombs have been counted, tested, and loaded.”

The Paladin sounded unsure, almost weak, Nathan didn’t buy it. “Danse.. what? You don’t need to stay here, we cleaned the place out.”

“Maxon’s orders were quite clear. Now go on, get back to the Airport. I have no doubt Proctor Ingram is waiting for you.” Danse put down his gun, and began to wander around the large cavern where the bombs were being kept. Nathan hesitated, before spinning on his heel to make his way back to the airport. The Elder would no doubt want a detailed debrief.

***

Danse didn’t stop sprinting until his lungs burned, and his chest and legs ached with fatigue. He had to stop more than once to vomit as he made his way to the only safe place that he could think of. No doubt Maxon would hunt him down, and have him skinned and prodded, all to find out more information about who his Paladin really was. It was only yesterday when he made the promise to Nathan’s wife that he wouldn’t let anything happen to him, and he’d already broken that promise. He’d sent him back to the Prydwen with no knowledge of what was happening even though his sharp wit and take-no-prisoners attitude could end up with Maxon killing him. The bunker was his only solace now, he had to remain there until the Brotherhood came for him. Only Scribe Haylen knew of this place, and since she warned him of the storm that was coming he assumed that she would keep him safe for the time being. When he arrived at the bunker, he swiftly opened a bottle of beer, shedding his old power armour and changing into his hidden X-01 set. If the Brotherhood wanted to kill him, he was going to go out on his own terms. He considered taking his own life before he heard the elevator click, and a fight between his Protectrons began. By that point, considering how quickly they had gotten here, he accepted his fate. He even considered ending it himself, but that was when he saw Nathan. His heart fell through his chest.

He paced towards his mentee, “I’m not surprised Maxon sent you. He never liked to do the dirty work.”

“Danse, please don’t do this. Not now. We need to get you out of here.” Danse noticed that Dogmeat was standing proudly next to Nathan.

Danse’s brow furrowed, he was confused, “What are your orders, does Maxon even want mea ali-“

“Fuck my orders, Danse. I’m not killing you. I can’t fucking do it.” Nathan was panicking, and swearing. Two things Danse hated, Nathan didn’t deserve to panic.

“Look, I’m not blind to the fact that we’re good friends, and this must be very difficult for you.”

Danse’s mouth fell open when Nathan threw his gun into the corner of the room, and stepped right up to his face, “ _I told you it was never going to be like this with me!_ Don’t, just don’t. I’m not going to kill you.” Danse noticed a single tear fall down his Knight’s cheek, “Don’t try to make me kill you. You’re just as much of a human as any of my other friends. What about Valentine? Should I kill him too?”

Danse was swift to dismiss that idea. Maxon’s temper would be unstoppable if Knight Croft defied him, it would probably cause such a rift that the brotherhood would be significantly weakened, “Maxon’s ordered you to execute me, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to stand in your way.”

Nathan continued to shake his head however, standing his ground against his former C.O., “I’m not going to do it.”

“Nathan-“ Danse was getting frustrated. He was a synth, he was the enemy. How could Knight Nathan see passed this?

“I’ve already lost my family! I won’t lose you too.” Danse could see that Nathan could no longer hold back his fury. The man that had saved him and his squad at the Police Station was now red faced, teary eyed

Danse’s heart sank when it suddenly clicked. His mind flashed back to how it felt to put Cutler down when he realised that he was a super mutant, except this was different. Danse wasn’t dangerous, he was just the same as anyone else. Nathan was fighting for his friend because he was just like the rest of them. “How could I have been so blind…” Danse finished his piece, but he watched relief fall over his friend.

Dance let Nathan drag his arm “We’ll hide you in Sanctuary while we figure out what to do. Let’s go.”

 

***

Of course Maxon had followed me. That was the first thing that came into Nathan’s mind before the shooting started. Nathan hardly moved the entire time, almost anchored in place by his numb fear that something was going to happen. One of Danse’s turrets remained active, and had targeted Maxon, leading to a firefight. The flashes of energy weapons grew frantic as Maxon’s rife burned through the turret. Danse shouted out to stop the fighting, the silence was deafening. Nathan stood up to Maxon after that. He was out of breath, and out of patience, but when Maxon threatened Nathan’s life, Danse couldn’t stand still. The formal challenge he issued against Maxon’s Eldership was… a shock to Nathan. Danse was being fiercely protective of his Knight, so much so that he would put his life on the line for him. This was precisely the kind of thing that Nathan wanted to avoid, he could end up losing Danse, he could have to watch the man he cared for the most be killed by the man he hated the most. The ringing in Nathan’s ears was so loud he didn’t even realise the fighting had begun… but when it was over, and reality snapped back into his head, he saw Danse standing over Maxon’s body, with the Vertibird pilot standing in shock or awe. Nathan noticed that Danse’s face had dropped, and Danse had dropped his weapon too. He thought that maybe he was injured until he realised he was looking through him. The smell of burning skin made his eyes steam up, but when he looked at the tear through his jacket, his world began to fade to black. He’d been shot in the chest.


	2. A Road to Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As both of our boys start to pull themselves back together, looming questions and difficult situations make themselves too hard to ignore.

Danse had to run it back in his mind, over and over, checking every detail, before he could talk to anyone. When Maxon fell, everyone else stopped shooting. Nathan stopped shooting, the injured pilot stopped shooting (if he even started), Danse stood over Arthur’s body, thinking that the worst was over. The moment Danse had turned around his mind raced faster. It wasn’t Danse that moved over to Croft first, it was the pilot. If the Lancer hadn’t shook Danse back to reality, they might not have made it back in time. They carried him, and Maxon’s body onto the Vertibird, the ringing still in the Paladin’s ears. Danse was forcing himself to relive this memory, the sharp, unending pain in his chest couldn’t be ignored. It was like someone had surgically opened Danse’s chest, and stabbed at his heart. Now he sat in a cage. He insisted that the Commanding Officer of the unit should lock him up immediately upon arrival, ironically he found himself back at the police station. It turned out that Paladin Brandis, the new head of Gladius. He was the obvious choice, but even Danse was surprised that Maxon had picked his successor so quickly. He can’t have even given the execution order before Brandis must have been on a vertibird to the station. 

“This would have been so much simpler if Nate executed me like he was ordered to.” Danse spoke to the wind. But he wasn’t as alone as he thought. At that moment, Haylen rounded the corner, clearly she had been worried, which the Paladin supposed was understandable. She said something to him, but it didn’t register in the Paladin’s mind. He couldn’t hear _anything_. He didn’t want to. She entered his cell, handing him a Mutfruit before sitting opposite him. Her look of concern only made Danse’s heart ache harder, louder, so much so he winced his eyes closed and dropped his head in between his knees. He couldn’t remember the last time that he’d cried. If he ever found the memory, he knew that it wasn’t strictly his anyway. It was probably as long ago as back in Rivet City, back when whoever Danse was knew nothing of service and purpose, he’d found that in the Brotherhood. He almost wanted to be taken to the Prydwen, even though he knew he wouldn’t survive 10 seconds in the vicinity of that airship, at least he’d die with the purpose he had, rather than the lack of a point he found himself with now. He snorted when he thought that the only regret he’d have would be that he would never get to see Nate get back on his feet again. Not that he was guaranteed to anyway. Danse let his mind wander some more, thinking about wandering the Commonwealth, if he died. Nathan had always been by his side, watching his back, who’d be there to watch his? He thought of all of the good deeds that he saw Nate do across the Commonwealth, for people who needed so much help but had less than nothing to give in return. That man could die because of him, and that tugged at his chest more than anything. He found himself pulled back to reality when Haylen placed her hand on his cheek.

She spoke softly to him, caring, like a friend should, “He’s going to be fine, Danse.” He supposed if Haylen said it, there was no doubt that it was true. She was the only person, besides Knight Croft, who he trusted with his life.

Haylen watched Danse think himself into a daze before creeping out of his cell. It hurt to see her friend like this, he was only in the cage because he insisted himself, but at least he was alive. Even if Danse’s chain of thought was unrecognisable, at least he was alive. At least Paladin Brandis had the heart that she gambled on him having. She paced around the station dozens of times, biting her nails, hoping that the medics at the station would be enough to give Croft a good chance. Since she heard Maxon’s radio call, warning all members that he was leaving the Prydwen temporarily, she knew there was a big problem. Haylen was an incredibly resourceful Scribe; She had friends all over the Prydwen, making sure that if Danse survived, or something went wrong, she’d be able to help as much as she was able. Paladin Brandis was her new CO, now that Danse was effectively an outcast, which meant she was blessed with an incredible amount of trust and freedom… Brandis was almost as good a man as Danse was, and this gave them a chance. When she heard that Knight Croft had been injured and that Maxon was dead, she knew she had to recall the Vertibird back to the station. Danse would be on that bird, and she couldn’t see him be executed at the Prydwen, not after everything had gone down like this. Brandis was much more sympathetic than she thought, which she was reminded of when she felt a hand on her shoulder, her Paladin sat her on a chair, looking into her eyes as he said, “It looks like one of our boys challenged Maxon on his leadership before the shooting… which gives us a good chance of saving your Paladin.” Haylen practically leapt into his arms after that.

***

Danse woke to Brandis putting food into his cell. The older Paladin didn’t speak a word to Danse, but nodded to a slip of paper on the tray, next to some kind of soup and a razorgrain loaf. Danse snatched it, reading the note as fast as he could.

_Danse,_

_Your Knight is doing well, much better than expected even. He’s obviously not out of danger yet, but I can’t risk calling more people in to the station without alerting the Prydwen to the events. That could cause a panic, and we’d likely all end up dead. Croft drifts in and out of consciousness, only speaking in small sentences when he's awake, but Haylen assures me that’s a good sign. I don’t understand why you insist on causing yourself to mope in that cell all day, if I were your CO I’d knock your head to make sure that it’s working properly. Nobody here is going to shoot you, understand? However if you insist on staying in there like a mole rat, you’ll be notified if anything changes with Croft or our… situation. Not all of the Brotherhood is built on hatred towards people like you, and your emotions show you to be no more or less human than I, Haylen, or Knight Croft. You should to talk to him when you feel up to it. He needs you to be there for him, turns out he may well be the next Elder of this Chapter. Just shout for someone if you need anything._

_Brandis._

Danse’s head was swimming with questions, and was overflowing with pent up anger. What did Brandis mean when how Nathan makes him feel? Why did he call Knight Croft “Nathan”? When did he start calling Nathan by his first name, and not his rank? Why was Brandis helping an enemy of the Brotherhood? Why **_was_** he still sat in this cell when nobody insisted he be there? The Prydwen didn’t know that Maxon was dead? Why, if he was a synth, was he still alive? He decided couldn’t take any more of this sitting around while someone else fixed up his mess, he was a _Brotherhood Paladin_ for god sakes. Why on earth did he make himself stay in the cell, despite doing nothing wrong? Why did he still believe that he was the enemy? Why, when he could be helping Nathan, was he sat in a cell, sulking like a chastised child? He decided he would do that no longer.

He stood with purpose, shaking off the slight head-rush before he called out. “Someone get me out of here. I need to talk to Knight Croft.” To his shock, Haylen and a night rounded the appeared, and she had a weird smirk on her face that told Danse that the note, and the gentle prodding was all her idea. She opened his cell door, gesturing for him to walk out. After leaving the cell he went straight to find Nathan, he had to be in here somewhere. Haylen pointed again, at a closed door that was once the disused office when he had command of the station. Now there was a bed, complete with oddly clean sheets in the room. Nate was hooked up to an IV drip, and a large patch where the medics had treated Nate’s wounds. He was expecting him to look weak, but instead he just looked angry. Nathan’s face wore a frown, which was probably from the pain. Danse took one of Nate’s hands in his, his own face forming a frown to match Nathan’s when he felt how limp his arm was. He couldn’t help letting out a whine. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

“This is all my fault. You’re the last person I wanted to get hurt.” Danse shook his head, unsure who he was talking to, but decided to continue; For himself if not for anybody else. “When I think about what happened, I keep wishing that I’d done something differently. I wish I had of fallen back to the bunker, so that you weren’t out in the open. I wish I had never activated those defences, because the shooting may never have started otherwise. I wish that I was the one to get hurt, I wish I could have taken the hit for you…” he sighed, trying not to let the sheen now covering his eyes distract him, “I wish I told you how important you are to me, that you’re different to everyone else in so many different ways…” He was cut off by a mumble from the man next to him.

“Shut up Danse. My head is killing me.”

Danse thought he was imagining it before he saw the slight smirk on Nathan’s pained face, even if his eyes were clamped tightly shut, clearly trying to hold back the pain. Danse felt Nate grip his hand back, allowing him the respite he needed to let out the bated breath. 

Nate shifted in his bed, it seemed that all his speech was likely to be a mumble, “Where am I?”

Danse went through the details. He told Nate that they were at Cambridge Station; That he, along with Maxon and his pilot were basically MIA from the wider Brotherhood; He told him that there will be a discussion to decide the next Elder. Nate grunted, but soon after he was asleep again. It amazed Danse that his Knight could have even managed that kind of information after being smacked in the chest with a Gauss Rifle round. The tenacity of Nathan Croft wasn’t what troubled him anymore however, his mind switching to the question of who would become the next Elder. Obviously, it couldn’t be Danse, and Nathan was still far too weak to make that kind of formal challenge if anyone else objected. He needed to seal this so that it became airtight, and there were only two people in the station that had the ability to do that.

***

The days came and went at light speed after Danse stopped his moping. Nate was now strong enough to sit and stand for short periods, and he was eating and drinking by himself. It was just as well really, since the Brotherhood were now preparing to search for their Elder. The plan that Danse, Haylen, and Brandis had come up with meant that someone in Gladius had to end up as Elder. Nate paled when Danse suggested that he should do it, murmuring about the Minutemen and the people that needed his help. Nathan suggested Brandis then, which was quickly shot down by the Paladin. Danse knew that he would never be able to unify the Brotherhood, and Haylen wasn’t even a high ranking Scribe. It turned out that everyone in the room was counting on Nate changing his mind. In the meantime, Gladius sabotaged the transmitters all over their station, to give them an excuse of why they had not notified the Prydwen about the occurrence at the bunker, Danse was so deep in thought that he jumped when Nathan’s hand rested on his shoulder.

  
His recovery was far from complete, in fact his recovery had only just begun, but Nathan couldn’t bear to be lying down in the room by himself for most of the day. When he found Danse leaning over the counter, he couldn’t prevent himself from leaning on him. It was clear now that he was the next Elder of the East Coast branch of the Brotherhood of Steel. Ahead of him was the colossal task of unifying the various wings of the organisation that had fractured under Lyons’ leadership, rifts that were bound to re-open now that Maxon’s body was as cold as the water in Boston Harbour. How, if he couldn’t even walk 100 metres without assistance, could he take control of the most powerful military in the entire eastern USA? It made him dizzy thinking about it. Before he realised what he was doing, he’d snaked his arms around Danse’s waist and rested his head on his chest. He could feel how tense Danse was under his touch, but he needed the support more than Danse needed to be able to speak. To Nathan’s surprise, Danse wound his arms around him in response, so light and careful so it didn’t irritate Nate’s wound. He couldn’t hide the genuine smile on his face, or deny that his chain of thought was getting dangerous. ‘ _If I have Danse at my side, I can do basically anything.’_ Danse led him to a chair, where he sat him down. When he felt Danse place his 50. Cal Sniper Rifle in his lap, and a gun cloth in his hand, he knew that his Paladin understood. He took his time cleaning it. The tiniest details of every conversation were now there for him to absorb, as the entire detachment at Cambridge Police Station worked away. It wouldn’t be long before a vertibird was sent to the outpost, looking for the missing Elder and missing Knight, and unless one of the soldiers betrayed them they would find exactly what Brandis told them that they found. 

He looked over to Danse, who was tinkering with the capacitor on his Laser Rifle. Danse wore a deep frown on his face, as oblivious as usual to how easy it was for Nathan to read his feelings. He saw a man that had lost everything, only to have it dangled in front of him again, uncertain of which way the dice would fall at the end of the round. It wasn’t long before Nate’s own face fell into a look of despair. He slid the final piece of his rifle back into place, before creeping up to find Haylen. She was, of course, easy to find. Nathan just followed the flow of people coming in and out of the station with requisition assignments.

When she saw Nathan standing, she pointed her finger at him, chastising him “I thought I told you to rest, dummy.”

Nathan chuckled, trying to deflect her attention as he struggled to pull up a chair, also gesturing for the Knight on guard to close the door. “I can’t make rousing speeches from my death bed, Haylen.” Haylen snorted at the joke, putting down her pen to give Nate her full attention. “I’m worried about Danse.”

“Who isn’t? You know he locked himself in a cell when you first arrived. He thinks he deserves all of this… hate.” Her hands were in the air, waving around to try and make a point of how awful Danse had been treated. But Haylen lowered her voice after, leaning closer to Nathan, “Thank-you… For sparing his life. I knew you wouldn’t…”

Nathan’s raised hand cut her off, “Exactly. You know how I feel about him.” He sighed, and let his face fall into his hands, “I just wish that I knew what to say to make him feel… better about everything.”

“Tell him Nate. It won’t make everything better, but it might just put all of his doubts to rest.” Haylen’s voice was almost a whisper now. “The last thing I heard before we destroyed the last radio was a dispatch from Kells. We’re expecting a vertibird any minute now. Now get outta my face, I have work to finish before they arrive!”

Nathan slowly stood, running his hands through his long hair, most of his dark brown hair rested on his shoulders now, he made a mental note to get a haircut as soon as he was in Diamond City again… ** _If_** he ever went to Diamond City again. “Better make myself presentable for whoever comes to get us.” He tried to purposefully stride out of the room, tapping on the door for the Knight to open it, but he was pretty sure he looked weak, and shuffley. He found himself tapping Danse on the shoulder as he passed him, gesturing him to follow him. Once he was back in the room where he was treated, he let out a deep, long sigh. Pent up feelings were always going to be hard to explain… Especially to Danse.

***

Danse could feel face glue into place once Nathan started talking. This wasn’t like the times when the Knight made sarcastic or lewd, or even flirty comments after their more important private conversations. This was meaningful, and there was no way in hell that he would let his readable features ruin this. Nate spoke for several minutes, explaining in great detail the extent of his feelings for Danse, how much he looked up to him for how strong he was in impossible circumstances, how he always felt reassured by him when they were alone in the middle of the wasteland. He told Danse that he couldn’t help but love the way that he talked to him when they weren’t with anyone else from the Brotherhood - as if he were unique, the way he felt like he had a purpose around him. Nate told him that he was the most brilliant person he’d ever met, slipping in just one flirtatious comment about Danse’s stubble being annoyingly shapely despite being in a wasteland, which he saved for right at the end.

Of course, he didn’t really know what to say back to Nate. TheHe knew he had words to say but his brain wasn’t processing them. Nathan had just bared his heart to him, he’d made sure that he knew how human he really was. He eventually just let the words fall out, “Nathan, you’re the only person in the world that makes me feel significant. I’m not very good with these kinds of things but… whatever you feel, I imagine I feel the same way.” Danse turned his head to the side, trying to hide the anger on his face. What he said wasn’t good enough, not in his mind. He scrambled for more words, eventually finding them, “I don’t even know where to begin, there’s so much I want to say.” He sat next to Nathan, placing a hand on his thigh. “Ever since my banishment, I’ve felt lost. Every plan I ever made from my life came apart at the seams in an instant. You woke up 210 years into the future and rolled with every punch that’s been thrown at you. You’re… inspirational. Everything I had, everything I knew… It’s gone. What you said to me in the bunker helped me realise something, that my life wasn’t ending. My life is starting over, and I need to come to terms with all of the things I’ve lost, and I need to realise the things that I’ve gained. I can’t deny to anyone that I feel closer to you than anyone else that I’ve ever met. I don’t know if it’s friendship… Hell, it could be some kind of anomaly in my programming. I just care about you, so, so much.”

Nathan shifted where he was sat, turning to almost face Danse, and it was the first time that the Paladin had ever seen Nate blush. “I was hoping for maybe a little more than ‘friendship’, Danse.”

Danse’s sputtering began instantly, and the realisation hit him like a rock, but before he could even wind his head around Nate’s words, the unmistakable sound of a vertibird thundered through the building. His reunion with the Brotherhood, whichever form that would take, would have to come first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I quite enjoyed writing this chapter. I hope you enjoyed reading it!


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